Pickled Eggplants
by Vee-sempai
Summary: Shounen-ai and general weirdness. There's a conspiracy against Sano, and it involves vegetables...?


"Now, see? This is my rent for the next couple weeks!" Sano dangled the pouch of gambling winnings before Kenshin's face. "Its my only source of income, since _someone_ made me give up fighting for hire, hint hint."  
Kenshin pushed the bulging bag out of his face with a typically adorable I'm-a-little-miffed-but-not-really-mad scowl. "Sano, gambling is still illegal de gozaru yo."  
"Sakabatou," Sano reminded.  
"Hmmph. Thats different."  
"Yeah, it's different cause you're a hypocrite and Im not."  
"Oro!?" Kenshin blinked, offended. "It's different because-"  
"Oh, calm down." Sano draped an arm carelessly over the rurouni's shoulders. Kenshin shook him off aloofly. Thus spurned, Sano rested his arm atop the others head, fingers dangling into his vision.  
"Sanooooo..."  
Sano chuckled and didn't remove his arm. "Himura Armrest."  
Kenshin muttered to himself in dangerously singsong tones. Sano peered at him as they walked towards the Kamiya dojo. It never boded well when Kenshin started humming his threats.   
"Anou... are you making lunch today?"  
All he could catch was a delicate arpeggio detailing something about Megumi-dono and paralysis powder.   
"Heh... ne, Kenshin?"  
"Hai de gozaru." Amethyst eyes regarded him with a somewhat frightening amount of mischief.  
"Uh... I think I'll be going now." Sano reversed his step, then turned around, prepared to bolt. He didn't want Kenshin cooking for him if the rurouni was going to visit Megitsune first.  
"Sano..." Kenshin placed a hand on his chest, pushing him back, and Sano silently cursed the Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu. "I'm not going to poison you de gozaru yo. You're far too valuable to cause permanent harm."  
"Valuable for what? And what's this permanent?" Sano backed away cautiously.  
Kenshin sashayed towards him, eyes sparkling gently. "Maa, maa, Sanosuke... Do you no longer trust me de gozaru ka?"  
"Not when you look at me like that."  
"Like whaa~t?" Kenshin purred, blinking innocently up at him.  
"That," Sano pointed out. "Don't do that."  
Kenshin obediently went expressionless.  
"You're in quite a mood today, aintcha?"  
Kenshin chortled and grabbed his arm. "Come on. The eggplants I pickled are calling your name de gozaru."  
"Ooooh. Im all aflutter. Pickled eggplants."  
"Can't you hear them?" Kenshin cupped an ear. "There they are! Sanosuke... Sanosuke... eat me... I'm sooooo delicious..."  
Sano mentally scrolled through the list of dirty things he could say about now to make Kenshin blush and smack him.  
"And Kenshin will speak with Megumi-dono if you dont liiiike us... Sanosuke... we are your lunch todaaaaayyyy..."  
"Are you _drugged_?" Sano regarded the redhead with suspicion.   
Kenshin blinked up at him complacently. "I'm listening to the eggplants de gozaru na. Can't you hear them?"  
"NO!!! Sano sputtered. "What's wrong with you?!"  
"Sano, just because you don't like pickled eggplant doesnt mean you can pretend they don't exist," Kenshin said reasonably. "Now come on and eat your lunch. They want to be eaten and they won't take no for an answer de gozaru na. See, listen...eat us, Sanosuke!... or Kenshin will crawl down the hallway in the middle of the night and murder you in your sleeeeeep..."  
"Oi!" Sano protested. "Kenshin... isn't that a little excessive?"  
"It is simply a bad idea to disobey your lunch de gozaru. Eggplants have many occult powers, especially when they have been pickled. It's merely a death wish to spurn a pickled eggplant in the prime of its life de gozaru yo."  
"All right. You're bonkers."  
"Thats just what the tanuki want you to think de gozaru."  
"A-eh?" Sano blinked nervously. "Tanuki?"  
"Hai, hai!" Kenshin stepped closer to him, looking worried. "You see, if you disbelieve me and refuse to eat the eggplant, then I will be forced to kill you in your sleep by their omnipotent command, and your soul will belong to the tanuki and kitsune de gozaru yo. Megumi-dono and Kaoru-dono are merely the fronts, for the kitsune and tanuki respectively. Don't you see, Sano? I'm only trying to protect you from them de gozaru yo!"  
"It all comes back to Megitsune and 'jou-chan, doesnt it," Sano pondered. "Well, Kenshin...are you absolutely sure?" It did make some sort of sense, really... Megitsune was out to get him, and it wouldn't be too far out for 'jou-chan to be in league with her. Damn those kitsune and tanuki!  
"Oh, Sano..." Kenshin threw his arms around Sanos neck, voice shaking and emotional. "Please eat the pickled eggplant de gozaru yo!"  
Sano crushed his beloved close. "Of course," he reassured, trembling in fervor. "Anything you say!"  
Kenshin let go. "Go wait in the kitchen. I have to free the eggplants from where I've hidden them de gozaru yo. It'll only be a moment."  
Sano placed a hand on his arm. "Will you be all right?" he whispered.  
Kenshin smiled and held up his sakabatou.  
Sano nodded and headed for the dojo.  
Kenshin watched him go, shaking with effort, but managed to wait until he was out of sight before doubling over in helpless giggles. He was so _gullible_! Relate something to kitsune or tanuki and he was _lost_!  
It had been a little mean, but sometimes Sano just asked for it. And besides, he needed his vegetables, and he wouldnt eat them voluntarily.  
But now, maybe it would only take a few words to make Sano eat whatever he should...  
He would make a healthy eater of that boy yet.  



End file.
